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Powerful Conversation: The Foundation of a Successful Team

Differences in personalities are what make conflict resolution an uncomfortable and touchy subject

by Chris Ciardello
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When faced with a problem, it often helps to grab someone and talk it out. This is a great collaborative strategy to problem solving. Everyone has a different personality, and everyone sees the world in a different light. What happens when the problem you have is with another person? A common answer is, “I just need to vent, to get this off my chest.” The drawback with handling your problem with another person is that it now becomes gossip. Gossiping is a cancer in any office or social environment. It builds walls and divides teams. 

A major subject in many offices and workplaces is conflict resolution. Every office has conflict, but not every office handles it the same way. That is why it’s a topic that should be discussed clearly with your team. Workplaces are full of diverse personalities who communicate in unique ways. These differences in personalities are what make conflict resolution an uncomfortable and touchy subject. 

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The first step to successfully deal with conflict is to bring both parties together and have a meeting of the minds. The parties involved in the conflict need to sit down and talk it out. 

Prior to this meeting the ground rules need to be explained. 

There are four ground rules to successful conflict resolution. 

Rule #1 

Each side must listen fully to the other side before responding. Oftentimes, when one party is explaining something that is bothering them, the second party will feel defensive and want to jump in and explain why they did XYZ to justify their actions. There is nothing more frustrating when someone interrupts you, especially when trying to resolve a problem. The first person listens to everything the other person has to say, and then the second person will have their opportunity to explain their side. This process is repeated until both sides have sufficiently made their case. 

Rule #2

Identify the issues clearly, professionally, and concisely. Unless the issue is identified, a resolution cannot be found. This morning Betty came into work and she threw her purse on her desk and snapped at Sally when Sally said good morning. The reason that Betty snapped at Sally when Sally told Betty good morning could be that Betty got a frustrating text from her child saying she forgot her homework. This has nothing to do with Sally, yet the frustration was taken out on her, and this caused some tension between the two of them the rest of the day. In some cases, this kind of tension can simmer and slowly build up to a boil, making it extremely important to have open communication with your co-workers. You may not always know what is going on in another person’s life, so try not to jump to conclusions. 

Rule #3

When both parties meet to discuss their issues, they are only allowed to use “I” statements. “I felt ignored at the meeting this morning when I was trying to explain the details about Mrs. Jones.” Framing an issue you have with another person with an “I” statement helps to bring their defenses down so that a resolution can be found among the conflict. ‘You’ statements tend to put people on the defensive because they feel like their integrity is under attack. 

“YOU always put the instruments back wrong.”

“You never take out the trash.” 

When someone starts to get on the defensive, they stop hearing everything that is being said. They are focusing on how to defend their integrity. “I” statements diffuse anger and assault. 

“I get upset when I can’t find the instruments I need.”

“I feel demotivated when the chart is ripped out of my hands.”

“It hurts my feelings when a harsh tone is used when asking for a favor.”

When you bring the problem back to how it makes you feel, it will bring guards down and a conversation can begin. 

Rule #4

The final and most important rule is that there are no personal attacks, name-calling or finger-pointing. These are a sure-fire way to get the other person on the defensive, and there is just no need for petty attacks in a professional environment. When voices raise, the control of the conversation is lost. This prevents both parties from being able to continue the conversation with a level head. As soon as the voices raise, or tears start to flow, each side needs to pause (maybe even step aside for a few moments) to gain their composure so that a civil conversation may continue. 

Having conflict in an office is ok; in fact, it’s actually healthy. However, preventing conflict from turning into heated conflict is crucial to avoid division in an office. If a resolution cannot be found with the two parties sitting down and talking it out, then it is time to bring in a mediator. Oftentimes, this will be the doctor or the office manager. Whoever it is, they need to remain as neutral as Switzerland. The mediator cannot and should not pick sides, and the same ground rules apply. Everyone wants to work in a happy, peaceful environment, so it’s important to talk it out. 

About the Author

Chris Ciardello is a practice management consultant with Global Team Solutions. Passionate about sharing his expertise in technology and marketing, Chris has a distinctive knack for understanding the needs of office environments and assisting companies in building productive, cohesive teams. He began his career in dentistry as an office manager after graduating from the University of Texas, San Antonio with a BA in marketing. For more information on Chris Ciardello, please visit: